He’ll be with you today, the way he was with me at my meds. Three hundred and five comments. Three hundred and six. This is a disgrace.
People like this should be forced to pick it up with their bare hands. Weatherfield’s literally gone to the dogs. All of this is from your video. Yep.
The community is loving it. I sent you a link to five holidays this morning. I could do this for a living. What, film people on their own doorsteps?
Exposing and unmasking miscreant behaviour in your postcode. I could franchise it out. It wasn’t exactly criminal. But you’ve seen the signs.
No fouling on public pathways, or leaving it on car bonnets for that matter. But these deals won’t be around for long. Where are you thinking of going? Lisbon’s the front runner at the moment.
I want it warm, but not too warm. That’s a four-star hotel near the beach. Check out that view from the balcony. Wow.
If Eva doesn’t want to go, you can always take me. It was his idea. I fancy Porto too. I want to see more of Spain.
Yeah, me too. I think I’d like to spend a month touring Bilbao, Galicia, Andalusia, Madrid. We should go together. Become lovers.
Should we get married? Never come back. Nothing. Ah, you’re a lifesaver.
Is that Lily’s packed lunch? Yeah. Thought I’d make myself useful. You’re like one of those Japanese robots from that programme Shona tries to watch.
Oh, I’d love me a robot. Well, it might turn on you. Nah, mine would stay loyal, no matter how much I abused it. It’s a bit dark.
Adam’s face yesterday. Oh, I know. I thought he was going to self-combust. You know, I struggle to picture him with Sarah.
Don’t fancy him, do you? No. As if. Good.
Why did you do it in the first place? Same reason you nicked Ben’s rugby shirt. The reaction, control. Two peas in a pod, then, aren’t we?
Who told you I did that? Shona. Oh. Have you seen the Weatherfield community page?
No, because we’ve got a life. Right. Well, you won’t be laughing when I show you this. Oh, I hate funerals, babe.
Gives me flashbacks to my dad’s. You said it would be a laugh. I said that to Steve. Well, no one’s forcing you to go.
It’s a gesture of goodwill on behalf of this pub. Oh, is that what it is? Here’s me thinking you wanted a day on the sauce. It shows the whole community we care.
They don’t. They knew Jim McDonald. And remember, you’ve got a hospital appointment this time tomorrow morning. Don’t forget.
Have I wandered into Manchester Airport by accident? Looks like that, doesn’t it? I get pulled every time, don’t I, babe? Honestly, they talk to me like I’m an actual criminal.
Barking instructions at me, as if everyone isn’t tense enough as it is. Do you remember Boston on the way back from my uncle’s? They’re extremely pleasant at Dublin. She has a cousin who works at passport control.
Coleman, he’s still there? You know, they’re nice at Belfast as well. International city. Do you know what Coleman says to every passenger as he pushes their passport back over the counter?
He says, welcome to Dublin. No matter where they’re from. Unless it’s England. That’s not true.
It costs nothing to show kindness. Says the woman who gave up smiling for Lent. If I price, who could be nicer than me, ma? What’s all this in aid of?
I’m joining the Secret Service, ma. I’m forgetting on Air Force One. We’ve got Steve’s dad’s funeral. What for?
Moral support. You’ve only known that fellow two minutes. Five minutes. And you’re down to work today.
I know, it’s all right. I’ve swapped with him. Glenda’s in this afternoon. That Rosa does not write itself.
I know, I did it this week. Steven didn’t even like his father. Not that that surprises me. Why doesn’t that surprise you?
Because he was on the other side. Oh. Listen, whether Steve liked his dad or not, and no matter what persuasion the old man was, I can pay my respects. Respect?
Well, there is a word that’s lost all meaning. Who rattled her cage? If you’d like to step this way, Mr. Driscoll, I’m afraid I’m going to have to do a full body search.
And she thinks they’re nice in Dublin. Why should you sit next to him? Because I knew Jim. He walked me down the aisle.
He’s my boyfriend. Well, you can sit in the row behind. How many rows are there? Well, it’s a funeral car, not a cinema.
Dresses look fabulous inside, don’t they? Like Jackie Kennedy. Have you heard this? She wants to go in the car because she thinks she’s going to look like Jackie O.
Where’s Dad? He’s gathering his thoughts. I’m here, don’t worry. I’ve not done a runner.
Well, you look fantastic. You look like you’re up in court. I’ve been in court for ages. Not like your dad, then.
They gave him his own Bible. Is there any need? Now come on, let’s just get along today, please. Thank you.
Yes. It’ll be over in a flash, Dad. Before you know it, you’ll be in the Rovers with a pint in your hand. Is Andy definitely not coming?
No. Mum says she won’t speak to him if he does. She’s still in shock, I’m guessing. From what I’ve heard, there won’t be a long line of well-wishers.
Just the way it is sometimes. Do you ever wonder who’ll be at yours? Hey, that’s well morbid. My funeral will be packed to the rafters, unlike yours.
As if. I’ve got loads of mates. Yeah, I mean, I’m sure the crack dens of Weatherfield will empty out for the occasion. We have literally just said, can we all get along.
Can you just tell us, Stu? What? We’re early. How about I make you some lunch?
Oh, no. I don’t think I could keep it down. Poor thing. My mum had a full house at her funeral.
Billy did that. Auntie Emily did a reading, do you remember? Yeah. You stormed out in the middle of it.
Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does. And he stayed on the sofa all night. Oh, don’t tell me.
Don’t tell me. James Bailey. Nothing happened. I saw him going into your house last night.
Well, whether anything happened or not, good luck to him. Todd’s a free agent now, isn’t he? Yeah, like I said, good luck to him. Same goes for you and all.
Me and Todd, we don’t wish each other any ill. Huh. She’ll look after him at home, won’t you? Yeah.
Sure she will. The thought of a maths exam fills me with absolute dread. Three in the morning, I saw his light on. Well, I say light, I mean the torch on his phone.
He was doing a past paper in bed. That’s still two months away. Well, I don’t know why you don’t come and stay with me for a bit. A change of scene might do him good.
I think he just wants his desk, you know, and he wants all his books around him. Well, he could always bring his books. Oi. Oh, perfect timing.
Hey. Sam. He was up all night with icing. I have tried speaking to him.
Monosyllable-arama. Well, you can train too hard for a race. Same with the mind. That’s a longer conversation, I think.
Knowing a subject inside out never hurts, but sleep’s crucial, especially at his age. Well, maybe I should take him to the beach. A bit of fresh air might put the calculator down. Good trail running up there.
You could take those binoculars. Lot to do about bird watching. But me and my dad always promised ourselves that we’d get into that. I think you and your dad have done plenty of that.
Talking of working too hard, I can’t make our thing tonight. I’m snowed under. I’m sorry. Never mind.
Okay, so lunch bunch menu, starter and main nine pounds fifty, light bite six, and then courgette fritters. Come on, Tracy. How long does it take to change your shoes? Is Kevin not coming?
Not in the mood. Tyrone? He’s busy. Dad could have shown his face.
I hope it goes all right today. Yeah, I’ll second that. Cheers, guys. You once called me a jumped-up little toe rag?
Well, he was obviously a good judge of character, then. All right. Is it new beers? Thanks for coming, mate.
You’re cutting a dash. Huh? Looking not too bad yourself. I know today’s going to be difficult.
We’re thinking of you. Thank you. Sorry I’m late. We could go on make your—What?
No, I’m going in that fancy one. Huh? All right, boys. No squabbling.
Are you going to barbecue? I couldn’t find one. Couldn’t I? Hey, I found you.
Found your tie. Oh, where was it? I’m taking the pants. Probably tied to her.
Kinky. Yeah, good luck, Steve. Thanks, Sal. If he was a man.
Well, we’re all looking very smart. Cazza? Cazza! Are we there?
How was it? Yeah, they got through it. They all did. The wake was a wassail.
Order of service? You don’t want to see that. Did you get taxis back or—Some of Jim’s pals gave us a lift. Right, first one’s on me.
No, let me. No, no. Courtesy of the establishment. What’s everybody having?
I’ll have a pint. Oh, you still crying in the back of the market? I was blitzed in there. Were there some nice hymns?
We had Abide with Me, Holy, Holy, Holy, and Danny Boy. Danny Boy? I don’t think I know that one. Well, we’re assuming Holy, Holy, Holy was ironic.
Well, it’s done now. Are these your mates, darling? Oh, yeah. Declan, Davey.
So, this is the Rovers Return? Finally. Glenda, will you finish serving these and I’ll go and see about those sandwiches. Gentlemen, what will it be?
Hi. So, what about you? Done for the day? I’ve got another one at one fifteen.
Why? Are you not still stressing about that video? No, it’s not the comments. I couldn’t care less what people think.
I’ve got a manic ex-boyfriend out there, haven’t I? If he sees that footage, he’ll know where I am. I know. It’s not going to, though, is it?
Unless he’s on Weatherfield community page. It’s hardly the go-to for psychopaths, is it? Well, I don’t know. Probably is.
I guess when you’ve been on the end of that trauma, you get paranoid. Yeah. I could text Adam, ask him to take it down. Would you?
Yeah. I’ll ask him now. Thanks. I can’t say how many people were there.
Seventeen. Who was that bloke with the artificial leg? Long John Palmer. He’s from one of the army bases we used to live on.
Andy was mates with his son before his accident. How did he do it? Gardening. What?
True story. When he was on leave, stone cold sober. Three spells in Northern Ireland, two in the Falklands, and he topples over watering his geraniums. I never really knew anything about my great-grandparents.
Ah, no. They were from Ben’s neck of the woods. Antrim. We used to go visit when we were kids.
Ah, it’s a shame about your sister. Nice that she got mentioned, though. Katie. Oh, she briefly came back from the dead.
A checkered past, it’s fair to say. Spent more time inside than out. Ah, maybe he wasn’t a fan of service straight. Not a fan of family life.
Did he say that this morning? No, I’m just surmising. Well, don’t surmise. You hardly knew him.
Ben. Excuse me. When are Vladimir and Estragon leaving? What?
I don’t know. Well, they’re going to drink this place dry if you don’t let them put their hands in their pockets. I know, but it’s one afternoon. You have an appointment tomorrow.
You can’t pitch up to that hospital stinking of beer. What’s your problem? A man’s day, we’re trying to mark his passing. Yeah, a man you didn’t even know.
So what? I could do without the sourness. It was the salt and vinegar crisps we’re out of, yeah. It was the steak and onion.
Didn’t I tell you that a thousand times? James Bailey. Uh-huh. Yeah.
No. That’s how long it took to get over me. No, maybe they’re just mates. Uh-uh.
I know George Shaw was rubbing it in. That’s what I was talking about. All right. Thanks a lot.
See you now. And she’s the one that’s accused George of fraud. Hard to believe, but you never know. It was vulnerable women with their checkbooks out.
Got to be tempting. All right, mate. That is me. There you go.
It’s good that. Oh, champion. That’s good. Listen, I’ll catch you up.
Yeah. All right. Making you pay, is he? The old ambulance chaser.
Do you want to buy it? Mr. Barlow’s my solicitor. Yes, sir.
George Shaw was. On the cards for a long time. That’s good, though. You’ve heard the rumors?
Oh, I heard the rumors. He buried my mother-in-law. Well, I should have told her that and all that environmental. Oh, yes, we went with the cardboard in the end, but he was spitting feathers, pushing the top-end coffins on me, lads.
He wants to know how much your dear old left behind. Trying to rob us of our inheritance just so he could shift a bit of mahogany and brass fittings. He should be wearing a mask and a stripy jumper with that lot. Same with those recycling.
Anyway, this is a good look with that on. All right. Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
Who was the one in the ridiculous coat? Oh, the man for Fails-worth. Well, actually he was younger than me. Did Grandpa Jim go out with her?
Mhm. Well, they were just friends, but if he had his way there’d have been more. Oh, he was not shy in that department. A lad, that’s for sure.
And a terror with a sawn-off shotgun. Holding up a bank to buy a pub. What? Building society.
Like Dog Day Afternoon. Which pub? Oh, for the love of God. We said it to him at the time.
You’re there getting yourself a reputation. A reputation? It was armed robbery. Still, it’s a terrible thing, and then it was like that.
He was awful worried you and Andrew would get it. Yeah, well, we’re all clear. What was it now? Myotonic dystrophy.
It’s hereditary, but because Dad doesn’t have it, I’m all right. Ma, stand and say hello. Some of us have work to do. I can see who’s the boss here, young Benjamin.
She’s got a face on her today. Sure, don’t they all wear it? Hi. Hi.
Anyway, to Jim McDonald. Jim McDonald. Oh, right. Should we go somewhere else?
Don’t leave on my account. How was it? Her grandpa’s funeral. It was upsetting and emotional.
Are you having a laugh? Sorry. Parading her around in front of Amy. Steve, sorry.
Just tell me now. Wasn’t in the stars. Yeah, and he does live here, you know. Hey, less of the lip, lady.
Sorry, what did you just say? I mean, it just wasn’t meant to be. You won’t go near my daughter again. You’ve got to get past me, right?
Enough. What’s going on now? Steve, they’re just kids. He’s been leading her up the garden path.
I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Why do you want me to leave? How would you like it if I talked to your son like that? Well, my son’s dead, isn’t he?
I know he is. That’s not what I meant, but have some respect for the living. Excuse me? Oh, there’s no actual wrong to it, but come on, this is my pub.
That’s my boy. Brilliant. This place is just how Jim described it. Who fancies a novel?
Did you not have anything on your date? Just a cup of tea and some almond cake. Just to let you know, soup of the day is one of my favorites, lentil and red pepper. Oh, thanks.
Oh, did you have a look at those links? What links? To the holidays. Well, well, well, if it isn’t Hollywood’s hottest double act.
All right. Come on, delete your phone. No, no, you had your fun. I just did my civic duty.
Come on, he’s asked you nicely to delete it. Oh, do you say so? She could do without being spotted. She just doesn’t want to be tracked down by an ex.
Violent ex, yeah. Well, you shouldn’t have left dog waste on my new whip. Did he just say new whip? He did.
By the way, there’s only one beetroot salad left. Look, if he comes out of the woodwork and batters me because of what you’ve done, then you’ll be responsible. Actions have consequences. Oh, just delete it.
Well, seeing as you asked so nicely. Thank you. Gone, but not forgotten. All right, see you.
Cheerio. I didn’t think Amy would even go. Well, blood’s blood, isn’t it? It’s a pity things got tatty.
It’s just the pressures of the day. So, Ben’s got this appointment in the morning. Yes, so he’s got to get up no matter what state he’s in. Just popping out.
Oh, babe, I like those leggings. Oh, yeah, I got them with that voucher you got me last year. Have fun. Night, ladies.
Bye. So, she came into the bistro at lunchtime with Daniel, said she couldn’t see me tonight because she was snowed under. And then the other night, I heard her whispering sweet nothings to somebody on the phone, and I’m telling you now, it wasn’t Daniel. Who was it then?
I’ve no idea. I mean, she might look like apple pie, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she had somebody else on the go. Oh, stop it. What, another teacher, do we think?
Megan’s lovely, we’ve known her for ages. Oh, yeah. Maybe it’s that other PE teacher, Mr. Saunders.
Oh, lucky Megan if it is. Or maybe it’s the caretaker, she’s gone for a bunk-up in his shed. Stop it, you two are certified. I’m telling you, Eva, you heard it here first.
For a bit of peace and quiet, is it? Don’t blame you. All that hullabaloo. Is it always so lively?
We pack water like this. It’s sometimes quiet. You’re familiar. No.
Older. But familiar. Older, listen to me. Aren’t we all older than we used to be?
I have one of those faces, maybe. I get it a lot. More in Manchester than home. How long have you been here?
Months. And before that? Oh, before that, other places. Belfast.
You weren’t at the funeral. I didn’t know the man. His son is a regular, that’s all. A pal of his.
Who’s now? Jim McDonald. You must have me confused. Margaret.
Isn’t it? May we, Maggie, he’d say. The big secret. I don’t know what you mean.
I know. I’d better get back inside. A married man. You knew that.
With two young boys. Not that it was all your fault. Big dumb squaddie like Jim. You know, I think I’d like you to leave.
Awful lucky nobody caught on. I’m assuming they didn’t. Go. I’ll not cause you any bother.
The past is the past. And isn’t that plenty of it? Yeah.
You’re right about that.